Rekindling a Theology of Marital Intimacy: Why Christians Should Have the Best Sex Lives on Earth

Within the Christian vision of marriage, sexual intimacy was never meant to be merely permitted or tolerated; it was designed to be celebrated. Sadly, many in the church have neglected to teach and model this truth. Christians should be known for having the most joyful, secure, passionate, and fulfilling sex lives on earth—precisely because they honor God’s design for sexuality within the covenant of marriage.

Scripture portrays marital intimacy as both sanctified and satisfying. The Song of Solomon’s poetic passion affirms sexual pleasure as a gift of God to be enjoyed without shame by a husband and wife (Song 4:9–16). The apostle Paul likewise exhorts spouses not to deprive one another, emphasizing that marital intimacy is both a mutual duty and a source of oneness and protection against temptation (1 Cor. 7:3–5). When rightly understood, sex is an expression of covenantal love, delight, and trust—a reflection of Christ’s faithful love for His Church (Eph. 5:25–32).

The Church’s Silence on Sexual Stewardship

Despite this biblical richness, the evangelical church has too often failed to equip believers for healthy, passionate intimacy. Young people hear warnings about sin—especially pornography—but seldom hear robust teaching on the beauty, holiness, and centrality of sex in marriage. The result is widespread ignorance, shame, and unhealthy expectations about physical intimacy. Pastors and parents must disciple couples not only toward moral purity before marriage but also toward mature, generous love within marriage.

Maintaining a satisfying sexual relationship requires intentionality. It involves physical care, emotional honesty, and spiritual unity. Couples must cultivate trust through consistent affection, communication, and kindness. As psychologist Juli Slattery notes, “Sexual intimacy does not just happen; it is built as a couple intentionally nurtures emotional safety and mutual enjoyment.”¹ Investing time, creativity, and even practical effort—whether that means budgeting for a date night or caring for one’s appearance—is not vanity but stewardship of marital joy.

Mutual Responsibility and Biblical Balance

It is biblically unacceptable for either spouse to neglect the other’s sexual needs. The marital covenant involves ongoing self-giving love, not convenience or conditional affection. Just as a husband must not be harsh or unloving toward his wife, a wife must not routinely withhold physical intimacy from her husband without just cause. Both negligence and domination are perversions of God’s design. As ethicist Dennis Hollinger observes, “Authentic marital sexuality involves servanthood and reciprocity, not self-centered entitlement.”²

Few women would excuse a husband who simply stopped working because he “didn’t feel like it.” Yet sexual withdrawal without legitimate reason does similar harm to the covenant union. Both spouses have moral responsibilities to nurture intimacy for the flourishing of their marriage.

The Documented Benefits of Marital Intimacy

Contemporary research testifies to what Scripture has long affirmed: when sexual intimacy is practiced within the boundaries of marriage between one man and one woman, both partners flourish physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

For men, consistent sexual intimacy correlates with:

• Reduced stress and anxiety³

• Improved cardiovascular and immune health⁴

• Lower risk of prostate cancer⁵

• Enhanced sleep and mood stability⁶

• Greater work productivity and life satisfaction⁷

For women, regular sexual intimacy similarly contributes to:

• Strengthened immune and cardiovascular systems⁸

• Enhanced sleep and natural pain relief⁹

• Improved pelvic health and hormonal balance¹⁰

• Deepened emotional bonding and trust¹¹

• Heightened self-esteem and relational happiness¹²

These findings are not merely biological; they affirm that obedience to God’s design produces holistic well-being. When marital sex is prioritized in love, both husband and wife thrive.

Restoring God’s Vision of Marital Delight

It is time for the church to speak boldly not only against sexual immorality but also for sanctified pleasure within marriage. The Christian man is called to self-control, and the Christian woman to generous love; together, their union radiates joy to a world starved for genuine intimacy. When sex is enjoyed as God intended—faithful, playful, safe, and passionate—it becomes worshipful.

God’s design was always that His people would reflect His goodness even in the bedroom.

As C. S. Lewis remarked, “Pleasures are shafts of glory as it strikes our sensibility.”¹³ Christian marriages should therefore bear witness to divine joy through the total gift of self that sexual union represents.

In short, God calls His people not to prudish restraint, nor to worldly indulgence, but to holy delight—creative, tender, exhilarating intimacy between one man and one woman for one lifetime.

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Notes

1. Juli Slattery, Rethinking Sexuality: God's Design and Why It Matters (Colorado Springs: Multnomah, 2018), 83.

2. Dennis P. Hollinger, The Meaning of Sex: Christian Ethics and the Moral Life (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2009), 142.

3. David Weeks and Jamie James, Secrets of the Superyoung (New York: Rawson Associates, 1998), 46–48.

4. George Vaillant, Aging Well: Surprising Guideposts to a Happier Life from the Landmark Harvard Study of Adult Development (New York: Little, Brown, 2002), 157–59.

5. Graham Giles et al., “Sexual Factors and Prostate Cancer,” British Journal of Urology International 92, no. 3 (2003): 211–16.

6. Pepper Schwartz and Janet Lever, The Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples (New York: Harmony Books, 2013), 72–74.

7. Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher, The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially (New York: Broadway Books, 2000), 105–10.

8. Debra Herbenick et al., “Sexual Behavior and Health among U.S. Adults,” The Journal of Sexual Medicine 7, no. 5 (2010): 275–90.

9. Beverly Whipple, “Female Orgasm and Health Benefits,” Journal of Sex Research 25, no. 1 (1988): 109–16.

10. Susan Kellogg Spadt, “Pelvic Health and Sexual Wellness,” Women’s Health Reports 4, no. 2 (2023): 88–92.

11. John Gottman and Nan Silver, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (New York: Harmony Books, 1999), 118–21.

12. Ed Diener and Shigehiro Oishi, “Hedonic Well-Being,” in Handbook of Positive Psychology, ed. Snyder and Lopez (New York: Oxford University Press, 2002), 63–73.

13. C. S. Lewis, Letters to Malcolm: Chiefly on Prayer (London: Geoffrey Bles, 1964), 120.